From The Desk Of Shari Brodsky: Supermarket Superstar Week Three

Guest Blogger Shari Brodsky watches the teevee so you don?t have to.

Lifetime is throwing a little more support behind Supermarket Superstar. They?ve moved it to Thursday 10:30 EST. Which makes Project Runway its lead in.

So, I had to wait an extra three days to see it. (Not really a hardship, but still) Anyway this week was:

Natural Foods

We had three contestants?per usual.?First up was a mom with two boys. One of her kids was diagnosed with a neurological disorder when he was six, (He?s seven now). She altered his diet to only all natural foods and went gluten free and he?s doing well. Um? okay. So she brought her chi tea cakes which sandwiched a cinnamon espresso cream. Yup, gluten free whoopee pies, you know, for kids.

Funny story, contestant number two, quit her corporate gig, spent a year teaching herself to cook. Lost fifty lbs, and now runs a health food focused food truck called Molly?s Milk Truck. (Her name is Hoda. She?s from Hoboken, NJ) Her product is an Apple Bomb. It?s an apple, baked and coated with apple pie goodnesses like walnuts, cinnamon nutmeg and butter and wrapped in pie crust with a pie crust bow at the top. It looks AWESOME.
It tastes good but then Michael (the chef mentor) asks her what?s healthy about it. And she starts talking and he stops her. ?How many calories in this?? She doesn?t know. ?Over a thousand?? She is sure, ?absolutely not.?

After the jump, Shari gets buggy with it?

When they go to the kitchen to start cooking we find out a little more about her healthy apple bomb

That?s right folks, 1260 calories for this health conscious treat. 570 calories from fat, 83 grams of sugar and even if you subtract the fiber count, you?re still at 78 grams of carbs per serving. That?s twice an Atkins Maintenance allowance and with only 9 grams of protein, just a lot of carbs and fat.

Please do not misread this as a condemnation of this product. I have always said that the key to making food delicious is to add sugar and fat. But delicious and healthy are sadly, just not the same thing. I mean Jesus, her cost per item was $12.89 per apple w/pastry crust. So its half a day?s calories and half a day?s budget for food and in the end, you get something that?s almost, but not entirely unlike apple pie.

They told her to make the apples smaller and the crust less buttery and then moved on because the third guy was the charm.

He was concerned, as am I, about the inefficient system of growing protein in our country. Look, I love beef and chicken. (don?t like pork or pig, growing up Jewish I just never developed a taste for it) but in so many markets these are the choices, five cuts of beef, ranging from chuck and ground to ribeye and flank/skirt steak, and chicken. And a boatload of pork too. So contestant three, a new dad who wants to make the world better for his daughter, introduced us to the Chirp Chunk.</p><p style=?text-align:left;?>A chirp chunk has 18 grams of protein and a low, (but never discussed) level of carbs. It?s a perfect energy bar made without whey or soy but with almond butter, flax seeds, puffed rice, and?crickets

Crickets. I was thinking we could raise goats or eat sheep, but bugs are a viable alternative protein source, and if I had to grab a protein bar for the road, his numbers would intrigue me and I wouldn?t be turned off, but then, I?m not a picky eater and it won?t be the first but I ever ate, I mean I had an older brother.

The mentor?s response??Crickets

But then they tasted it and they had to admit, it wasn?t bad. Well, Michael and Cornyn did, Debbie Fields took one small bite, and then never got near it again. Even as later while he was making a batch, Cornyn and host, Stacie chowed down on a few

Mrs. Fields? response to that?

In the kitchen they proclaimed three dollars too high a cost for a protein bar with bugs in it, so to cut the costs they suggested that he mix in the devil?s tears and a few rabbit turds rather than using almond butter. (It?s possible they suggested switching the almonds butter out for peanut butter. To me, those are the same result)

So Beelzebub?s tears were substituted for the rich and not stupid or mundane almond butter. I really don?t understand why people would like desserts and the like to taste like a second grader?s lunch, but I?ll admit, crushed peanuts blended with sugar is a cheap way to go. And go he did.

The advice to the Whoopee Pie Chick? Make them smaller and since the center oozes out, or as professional chef Michael Chiarello says, ?Fix the poopie in your whoopee? they suggest adding Ticalose CMC, a stabilizer. Her eyes almost pop out of her head, but they explain it?s a cellulose product with no gluten.

Naturally delicious.

The Focus Group this week is personal trainers. The bug guy is thrilled. Trainers LOVE protein bars.

Debbie Fields tells them about the bar, gives all the specs and then tells them there are crickets in it. They like it. One guy says it has an aftertaste and he thinks that?s the crickets, but since the crickets are dehydrated, ground into a fine flour and then added, it?s probably psychosomatic. Either way, it got a better response than the tough and excessively used dough wrapped around a perfectly good apple and coming in with a lower calorie count than before but still high enough for it not to be lower than good old fashioned apple pie.

They liked the whoopee pies and the fact that they were gluten free but not really thrilled about her 18 grams of sugar per serving.

The Apple Bomber went home. She spent a year studying food and doesn?t know that sugar and fat and flour all mixed together are not healthy? maybe she?ll learn that in the second year.

That leaves Crickets and Whoopee pies in the Con Agra Branding Studio.

She has incorporated her son Isaac, ?Izzy? for short into her brand. Cornyn is very sensitive to her sick son?s place in this process.

He has no idea what to do with The Chirp Chunk Logo

They present to the head of buyer at the Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company.

the Whoopee Pie still has some Poopie in its Whoopee

And the concept of Crickets in his stores, combined with the fact that they taste good actually gets him to not just smile but laugh!
?

Mrs. Fields gave her advice. I would never feed bugs to my children. (Not advice really, mostly a closed minded attitude by a woman who baked cookies in the eighties in big factories where some bugs no doubt got into the dough), but hey, it?s her opinion and okay, she?s not cutting edge. Both Michael and Cornyn believed that the Chirp Bar was groundbreaking and delicious. Michael told him. ?You have a chance to do right by the community, the planet and your balance sheet? Big words from a guy with a restaurant and store in Napa.

Cornyn agreed that the Chirp Bar was probably the best way to break through this barrier and get people used to the idea.

The man from A&P gave it some thought.

On the one hand he had expensive ($4.69 for three two bit cakes) trendy, (gluten free) Whoopee pies, that don?t hold together when you eat them. On the other you have a ground breaking new source of protein to introduce to American consumers in an easy to eat and familiar tasting format.

He made his decision and American consumers will have the opportunity to purchase Gluten Free Whoopee Pies in your freezer section.

Sigh.

Supermarket Superstar is on
Lifetime Thursdays at 10:30pm EDT

Shari Brodsky is not a food critic. She?s not even a picky eater. She is a writer and has a fuckton of fan fiction porn that you can find here. (It?s mostly QAF and SPN and it?s all slash) She?s also the younger sister of Adam Brodsky and lived with him for the first 21 years of his dorkiness, which means she knows some wicked cool embarrassing stories and where a few of the bodies are buried.

She hates facebook and long walks on the beach, but does have a twitter account that she rarely uses @sharibrodsky

If you feel the need to contact her directly email her: Shari.brodsky@gmail.com or you know, comment here.

Source: http://www.phoodie.info/2013/08/12/from-the-desk-of-shari-brodsky-supermarket-superstar-week-three/

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