Advice On Relationships: Questions And Answers

Alan answers:

Okay, let?s get this straight: you went out with a guy for about a month and you are convinced that he is perfect.

Then you moved away and you?re not sure whether you should continue to see him and risk heartbreak because of the distance between you, complicated by the fact that you are only 16 and don?t drive, or just end it now and get the pain over and done with.

Well, here?s the thing that people don?t realize when they are 16. If two people are meant to be together, fate can, and sometimes will bring them together. In other words, why not stay in touch via the internet and phone and see what happens. You never know. The connection my fade away, or, in a few years, you might rekindle the flame and start over. That can even happen 10 years down the road. The key is to let things unfold, rather than panicking now and thinking that your whole life is hanging in the balance. It isn?t. Lots can happen. You don?t even drive yet.

The Perspective of Time

These two questions from 16-year-olds remind me of what my life was like at that age. Actually, at a slightly older age, 17, I believe, I had a girlfriend, a relationship which I described in my book, ??So, Why Have You Never Been Married??: A Memoir of Love, Loss and Lunacy?.

I have a clear vivid memory of one specific evening on which I was really agitated about how to handle this relationship. She was a very cute gal and I certainly cared for her, and didn?t want to break up with her. At the same time, I couldn?t imagine going through all the stages of life that lay ahead ? college, choosing a career, working ? with the same person. I couldn?t see how the relationship could survive, and yet, just like these young people, I didn?t want it to end.

Little did I know, of course, that not only would that relationship end, but that a number of significant relationships later in my life would end, as well, and that I would one day write a book about the love, loss and lunacy I have witnessed and experienced in relationships.

Would I have preferred to have stayed with my high-school sweetheart through the years?

Not a chance.

I believe that love, if it has a chance of success, is best between people with some level of maturity, wisdom and life experience.

Even those factors are no guarantee.

But the person we are at 30 is, or should be, very different than the person we are at 16 or 17.

Give yourself time to grow, develop and find out who you are before committing yourself to another person.

You don?t want all of those important changes to happen at their expense.

That is one of the most important pieces of advice on relationships I can give.

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Source: http://www.sowhyhaveyouneverbeenmarried.com/advice-on-relationships-questions-and-answers/

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